Before I went to Caron Renaissance, I was oblivious to how substances were controlling my life and puppeteering me to a sudden end. I was someone who viewed myself as god-like or invulnerable to the problems I was causing. I knew the nice kid I used to be was still inside, but was overturned by a dark, hurt & angry illness.
My family and friends watched me change over time and felt more and more helpless, watching my life sink in turmoil. My parents were becoming less of parents to me day by day as I neglected everyone else’s life but my own. My family was judged because of me and was helpless to do anything about it.
On top of everything, I was gambling my life everyday by neglecting myself, neglecting my future and neglecting the people who care about me, all because I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t happy with my life, I wasn’t happy with the things that happened to me & I wasn’t happy with how I felt about myself. Yet when I had a chance to have that euphoria again, I dropped everything to chase it. I was oblivious at the time, but addiction ruled my life for so long and made me think I was in control the whole time.
From the day I stepped into Caron Renaissance at the age of 18, I was faced with numerous challenges and obstacles. Between adults acting like I would be back in a few years to people my age wanting to give up and go back, I felt overwhelmed and alone. I didn’t know if I was ever going to live a normal life, if my friends and family would love the new person I become & most importantly if I was going to like the new person I was going to become. Everything was so uncertain at the time and as someone who does his planning, I was immensely apprehensive.
But now as someone who’s been sober for over 20 months, I can say I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for the amazing professionals and people I met throughout this journey. I now live in an apartment in a healthy relationship, I’m starting my dream career and more importantly, I don’t perceive myself as worthless. I’m on the way to becoming a productive member of society and having a bright future. My first year in sobriety was a rough journey for me. Between working 2 fast food jobs, 7 days a week and financially struggling to end toxic relationships I had previously been too afraid to let go of, I felt like everything could implode on me at any given moment. But, I stayed sober and navigated it.
As a 20 year old, it gives me so much pride and happiness to know I’m beating one of the hardest statistics out there in addiction. It’s never too late for anyone. I’m happy I got this disease under control early and because of that, I still have a chance. Of course, I will still have cravings, but it becomes more and more obvious to me everyday that I love my life now more than I ever have, and I will do anything it takes to preserve it.