Treatment was never something I imagined myself going through.
I knew others that had gone before and I thought it was a waste of time. I thought it was just a bunch of people sitting in a dark lit room talking about their feelings just to go back out and relapse.
The day I was told I was going to rehab for the first time I was in such a panic because I don’t like change. I also knew going in there I was just going to “get through it” and not take it seriously, and that is exactly what I did. I got out and relapsed very quickly. A year later I was brought to Caron Renaissance. I truly thought I was going to fool everyone and tell them what they wanted to hear, because that’s all I knew how to do. I was terrified to admit I had a problem or finally stop blaming my problems on everyone else. I was so scared to face the feelings I had been burying for most of my life. I never thought I would be able to do these things without getting high or drunk until my experience at Caron.
I have done every single one of those things sober and I am able to be happy. I was miserable before I went back to treatment. I had spiraled out in every aspect of my life. I was living in complete filth, cut out my family, and alienated everyone around me. I blamed everything wrong in my life on other people and could not take responsibility for anything in my life. I thought I had my life completely under control until the day my mom found me face down in my bathroom with pills scattered everywhere because I tried to take my own life.
I spent 6 days in the psych ward and then was on my way to Caron. I was so scared on my first day, because I had to sit by myself in a room in quarantine and I knew no one there and I felt completely alone. I had a lot of changes to make internally and externally. I lied my way through everything before I went to rehab and I learned real quick I was not going to be able to lie my way through this program. I knew the only way this was going to work was if I started to get honest. I had my ups and downs but this place taught me things I would have never learned on my own and I eventually learned I could not do any of it on my own and I needed the help.
Once I was in treatment I thought my life was going to be so much better and I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. Until I got the phone call that my 19 year old brother was in the hospital about to get put on a ventilator and then a week and a half later he was gone. My little brother dying was going to be my excuse to use again and I was ready, and then I saw my family and I knew there was no way I could put them through anymore pain.
I would have never gotten to that point without the help and support from the clinical team, and the tech’s at Caron, and especially my mom because she has been my biggest support through it all. The support I got was something I have never experienced before. Thanks to all the help I was given from the team I can say I am now 14 months sober and it is the longest clean streak I have ever had since I was 15 years old. I now have 2 jobs in treatment that I love doing because now I can help others who are in a situation I am so familiar with.
Going to treatment is scary and can cause a ton of anxiety because most addicts don’t like change, and I am so happy I now get to help others throughout their rehab experience because I relied a lot on the staff while I was in treatment. I am 23 years old and sober and that is my biggest accomplishment and now I can move on with my life by going back to college and living a healthy and sober lifestyle. I think about how miserable I was before getting sober, and how I get the opportunity to help others navigate sobriety and that is what keeps me sober. My sobriety is the most important thing to me and I fight everyday for it because I know I never have to go back to my old life again and I can finally be someone my family is proud of.