Helping Someone Who Refuses Help: Tips to Encourage Addiction Treatment Without Pushing

Watching someone you love struggle with substance use disorder while they insist they’re fine is one of the most painful positions to be in. You might hear excuses, denials, or even anger when you try to talk to them about getting help. And while your heart wants to fix it, your words may feel like they’re hitting a wall.

It’s important to remember that just because someone resists getting professional help doesn’t mean they’re a lost cause or unreachable. Resistance to treatment and denial about the full scope of their problem are part of the complex nature of addiction. But don’t lose hope. We’ve outlined some helpful ways to reach and help your loved one.

Understand Why They’re Refusing Help

Addiction is a complex disease and brain disorder that distorts the affected person’s perception of reality. Their emotional, physical, mental, and social self-understanding is all a part of the disease. So, when you understand the emotional and psychological barriers that keep them from seeking help, you're better equipped to respond with compassion, rather than frustration.

Here are some common reasons people may refuse help for addiction:

What Not To Do When Trying To Help

When someone you care about is struggling with addiction but refuses help, it's natural to want to take matters into your own hands. You may feel desperate to intervene, say something that will “snap them out of it,” or do whatever it takes to make them stop. But despite these good intentions, some reactions can actually do more harm than good and push the person further away, or fuel their addiction.

Avoid Judgment and Blame

It’s tempting to express your frustration when someone keeps making choices that hurt themselves and those around them. However, using language that shames or blames only deepens feelings of guilt and defensiveness.

Phrases like “Why can’t you just stop?” or “You’re ruining your life” might come from a place of concern, but they typically shut down communication rather than open it up.

Remember, your loved one needs help, and you’re there to offer support. Instead of judging and blaming, focus on love, care, curiosity, and concern.

Don't Enable

For people hoping to encourage another person to take the road to recovery, it’s important not to enable their drug use or drug-seeking behavior. While it’s incredibly difficult to watch someone struggle, shielding them from consequences often delays their motivation to seek help.

Examples of enabling include:

True support means establishing healthy boundaries and allowing them to take responsibility for their actions, even when it's uncomfortable. Sometimes the most caring option is not the easiest one.

Don’t Force or Threaten

Trying to force someone into a rehab program usually results in resistance rather than results, especially if they’re not mentally or emotionally prepared. Threats like “You’ll never see your kids again” or “I’ll cut you off if you don’t stop” may come from desperation, but they can erode trust and increase tension.

These tactics often lead to secrecy, deceit, or even fuel their substance use. Instead of ultimatums, focus on honest, heartfelt communication. Let them know you’re concerned, that you’re there when they’re ready, and you believe they have the strength to get better.

Don't Try to Control

Trying to manage every aspect of their life, checking their phone, restricting their movements, or constantly questioning their choices can backfire. It may feel like you're trying to help, but it can lead to resentment and emotional distance.

Instead of trying to control how someone gets the help they need, introduce their options. From inpatient and outpatient treatment centers that focus on healthcare and evidence-based treatment programs to support groups like Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous (Al-Anon), there are a lot of options available. Help them see that an option that works for them likely exists, and then support them to make it a reality.

Effective Strategies To Encourage Treatment Without Being Pushy

Encouraging treatment really is more of an art than a science, but even art has techniques. To be successful, this means walking a careful line of empathy, honesty, and patience. It’s about planting seeds and creating safe emotional space, so that when your loved one is ready, they’ll know they can turn to you.

Start with Empathy

Before recommending treatment, focus on simply meeting your loved one where they are emotionally. Try to put yourself in their shoes and in the experiences they’ve had that led them to substance use and the experience of substance use itself. It’s common for people resisting addiction treatment services to believe that no one understands what they’re going through.

You can say something along the lines of:

“I can’t imagine how overwhelming everything must feel for you right now. I’m not here to tell you what to do, I just want to support you.”

Listen Actively

Rather than immediately jumping to solutions, allow your loved one to talk and listen. Active listening means giving your full attention, reflecting back what you hear, and asking open-ended questions without any comments. This helps them feel seen, which can make openness more likely to help over time.

For example: “It sounds like you’re feeling trapped. Like part of you wants to make a change, but another part isn’t sure how. That’s completely valid.”

By actively listening, you’ll build trust and rapport.

Express Concern, Not Ultimatums

Setting ultimatums for your loved one to enter a drug or alcohol rehab program, especially too soon, can push them away, especially if the relationship is already strained. Expressing concern in a caring tone keeps the connection open while still letting them know you’re worried.

Avoid phrases like, “If you keep using, I’ll never talk to you again.”

Instead, try saying, “I’ve noticed some changes recently, and they really concern me. I care about you deeply, and I just want you to be okay. I’m here whenever you want to talk about it.”

Use "I" Statements

When you keep the focus of your words on yourself, you’ll not only be able to avoid projecting, but it will also help keep the other person from feeling defensive. “I” statements invite conversation instead of conflict, allowing you to share how their behavior and actions affect you.

For example, try saying, “I feel really scared when I see you struggling, because I hate seeing you in pain. It hurts to watch, and I just want to help.”

Education Without Shaming

Providing education and data, without trying to shame them, can help someone see their behavior in a new light. Maybe they don’t know that 261 Americans die each day from excessive alcohol use or that marijuana is addictive like other drugs.

One reason people resist treatment is that they often believe myths or have had negative past experiences. They might fear judgment, a loss of control, or the idea that all rehab programs are rigid. This is where gentle education can go a long way.

The goal isn’t to convince them immediately, but to keep the door open. When information is offered with compassion, not pressure, it creates space for curiosity instead of defensiveness.

Offer Flexible Treatment Options

If the idea of treatment feels too extreme, there are other treatment options out there, such as family therapy, mental health services, online support, or other less intensive programs.

You could say something along the lines of:

“There are different levels of care, and you don’t always have to check into a treatment facility. There are even programs where you live at home and just go a few times a week. If you're ever open to talking about what might work best for you, I’m here.”

Showing that recovery isn’t all-or-nothing might make them more willing to begin.

Model Healthy Behavior

Modeling healthy behavior is more than just not using substances to excess. It’s also:

For example, saying something like, “I’ve started seeing a counselor just to help me manage my stress, and honestly, it’s helped a lot. It reminded me that everyone needs support sometimes. None of us can do everything alone,” can open the door for them to seek help for themselves.

Normalizing healing and self-care makes it easier for your loved one to imagine that path for themselves.

Additional Tips for Helping Those Struggling With Addiction

Supporting someone with addiction isn’t easy, especially when they aren’t ready to accept help. While you can’t force recovery, your consistent support, boundaries, and understanding can create an environment that encourages change over time. Here are some additional ways you can help:

How Caron Can Help Your Loved Ones Get Treatment

At Caron, we understand how difficult it is to watch a loved one struggle with addiction, especially when they’re not ready to ask for help. That’s why we offer a wide range of services to help individuals enter treatment and support families.

Our team provides personalized assessments, intervention support, and age-appropriate treatment plans for teens, young adults, and adults. With a focus on healing the whole person — mind, body, and spirit — we deliver evidence-based, compassionate care tailored to each person’s situation.

We also offer extensive family programming, parent support resources, and aftercare planning to make sure your family is supported every step of the way. When you or your loved one is ready to take that first step toward recovery, call our helpline orfill out a form.